Are we lying to ourselves?

VICTORIA BROWN | MARCH 2023

Self Deception and Leadership

Ah, self-deception. It's the ultimate mind trick, that we play on ourselves. You convince yourself that everything's fine even if you're about to crash and burn. But here's the thing: self-deception can be a dangerous game, especially for new leaders who are just starting on their leadership journey (and TBH it continues to be one of the biggest dangers for leaders throughout your leadership career).

Let's take a closer look at self-deception and why it's such a problem for new leaders. We'll explore the different forms of self-deception, provide examples of how it can manifest in leadership, and discuss the impact it can have on decision-making and overall effectiveness. 

What is self deception?

At its core, self-deception is like putting on a pair of rose-colored glasses and refusing to take them off. You start to see things the way you want to see them, rather than the way they really are.

Self-deception can take many forms. Sometimes it's as simple as ignoring negative feedback or only seeking out information that confirms our existing beliefs. Other times it's more insidious, like pretending we have all the answers and ignoring the expertise of others.

In leadership, self-deception can manifest in a variety of ways. For example, a leader might convince themselves that they have all the answers and don't need input from their team. Or they might ignore warning signs that their strategy isn't working and continue down a path that leads to disaster. Whatever the form, the impact of self-deception on leadership effectiveness can be significant.

🤔 Can you think of  time when you saw a leader ignore advice, and because of that, their project or decision failed?

🤔 Can you think of a time when you ignored negative feedback or didn't believe it?

🤔 What is something that you haven't admitted to yourself ever before?

Why do we need to care?

Self deception is kind of like walking around blindfolded while trying to navigate a minefield. Sure, you might make it through unscathed, but the odds aren't exactly in your favour.

When new leaders succumb to self-deception, they put themselves and their teams at risk. For example, if a new leader refuses to acknowledge their own limitations, they might take on more than they can handle, leading to burnout and poor performance. Or if they don't seek feedback from others, they might miss important insights or perspectives that could improve their decision-making.

Perhaps the biggest danger of self-deception is the impact it can have on decision-making. When leaders are blinded by their own biases and beliefs, they make decisions that are based on faulty information and flawed assumptions. This can lead to poor outcomes and even catastrophic failures. Yikes!

How do we overcome self deception?

First up, we have self-reflection and self-awareness. Self awareness means we understand how others see us, and also how we see ourselves. It strips away the rose-cloured glasses and encourages us to see things with clarity and reality.

Another plan is to seek honest feedback from others. And no, we're not talking about the "everyone gets a participation trophy" kind of feedback. We're talking about the real, honest-to-goodness feedback that can be hard to hear but is ultimately what helps us grow and improve.

Finally, it's important to embrace humility and vulnerability in leadership. When leaders are willing to admit their mistakes and show their human side, it creates a culture of trust and authenticity that can be incredibly powerful.

🤔 When did you last proactively seek out feedback?

🤔 When did you last make a mistake, and how did you handle it in front of your team?

🤔 How did you handle it the last time someone in your team made a mistake? Was it different to how you handled your own mistake?

What now?

By practicing self-reflection, seeking honest feedback, and embracing humility and vulnerability, you can overcome self-deception and become the leader that your team deserves.

Here are a few actions that you can take today:

1. Set aside time for self-reflection and introspection. Use specific prompts to challenge your self beliefs, and encourage you to dig deeper.
2. Ask for feedback from trusted sources, and be willing to listen to what they have to say. Reflect on their answers and decide how you can use it them grow.
3. Practice humility and vulnerability by admitting your mistakes and showing your human side. Make mistakes, fail spectacularly, enjoy the growth that comes from the failure.

VB x

Self deception, feedback and self awareness is something that we work closely together on in the Epic Leader Program. Apply for the next cohort over here.